AGE ACTIVATED ADHD (or What to do on a Menopausal Afternoon)

I did not write this, but dammit, I could have!


Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it develops:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox, when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

----the car isn't washed,

----the bills aren't paid,

----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,

----the flowers don't have enough water,

----there is still only 1 check in my check book,

----I can't find the remote,

----I can't find my glasses,

----and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this to the rest of our friends, because I do not remember with whom I have already shared it.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC.

P.S. I just remembered.
I LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE DRIVEWAY!

THIS MADE ME LAUGH ... Too Hard!

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.


(I really am sorry about this; it just made me laugh so hard I lost my head...)

CM

ALL IN ALL... I'D REALLY RATHER BE IN... MY THIRTIES

Okay, so it's not all that terrible. And I am not really all that cranky... but there are those days when nothing I do seems to come out quite the way I had envisioned it when I started...

The forgetfulness is a source of unrivaled embarrassment and that is terrible. I don't like being embarrassed, never have...

For years, I have been teasing and picking on my friend Barb who is notoriously late for anything and everything. Her typical arrival time is about 15 minutes late but she has been known to make me wait more than an hour. Now we have been friends for a long time and I am used to it. I am relatively easy going and never ever go anywhere without a good book so waiting is moot. Frankly, I usually relish the reading time.

But something unacceptable has begun to happen. I have begun to be late. Now this does not sit well with me. I am notoriously on time. It's who I am and how my friends count on me to be.

Lately, for some unknown reason, I have begun to have trouble organizing my time.

And by the way, where do all the words go? Since this whole menopause business started, I have lost my abliity to speak a full sentence without forgetting a key word. It's like my vocabulary chip is, uh... chipped.

I think I will section this blog into uh... sections (??? See what I mean?):

WONDERFUL DAY
GOOD DAY
BAD DAY
REALLY SHITTY Wondering-why-was-I-born DAY
TOTALLY ZONED DAY

Today is a good day and I would like to address some of the wonderful things about entering a certain age...

Like...

It's wonderful that I no longer feel I have something to prove.

It's wonderful that I no longer worry about how to please all of the people all of the time.

It's wonderful that I can write to my heart's content... or not.

It's wonderful that my clothes all fit.

It's wonderful that I have the most wonderful husband in the world.

It's wonderful that I am getting to see my children grow up and am experiencing great pride pride at having been a part of who they are. I like them. They are nice people. Good hearts - all different, all the same. I see their father in them... and me, yes... sometimes I see a bit of me.

*The cancer is making itself known today, but it's not bad. I can certainly handle it. The chemo - ugh. That's a different story. More on that another day. Not today. Today is good!


Except for the facial hair. THAT'S DEFINITELY GOTTA GO!

Wax on, Wax off!
CM